


The REAL Infinity War

by Creativeguy39, RadioactivePotato21



Category: Every fandom that I like
Genre: Funny, Multi, Power Rangers - Freeform, Sad, lotsa death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2019-10-30 16:22:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17831990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Creativeguy39/pseuds/Creativeguy39, https://archiveofourown.org/users/RadioactivePotato21/pseuds/RadioactivePotato21
Summary: HAH! You think the way Marvel said the Infinity War happened is how it actually went down!? Nah, matey. In fact, it didn't even take place in the Marvel universe! Sit down, now, my little snickerdoodle, and let us tell you what ACTUALLY happened in the most ambitious crossover event in history!





	1. A Visit in the Night

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Luanastar](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Luanastar).



> I do not own any of the characters used in this story. I simply heard Infinity War was 'the most ambitious crossover event in history', and wanted to test that theory.
> 
> Regardless, enjoy reading! I know for sure that we're enjoying writing it!

‘Twas a rainy evening in Port Royal, by the Caribbean sea. Rain gushed from the clouds as the lightning flashed. Thunder clapped over the Turner residence. Elizabeth Turner sat in the rocking chair in the corner of her fifteen year-old son’s room, near the window. In her lap the novel _To Kill a Mockingbird_ lay open. Her dusky brown eyes scanned over the words on the page, but weren’t reading them. Every few minutes her eyes would flick to the window and remain there a minute. Behind the wall of precipitation, there was a perfect view of her front door, with the docks in the distance. Her eyes flicked back to her book. She felt as though she had forgotten something, but what?

Elizabeth reached to turn the page, but her hands were trembling so much that she struggled to do so. Something about this night was off. And it wasn’t the unusual breeze in the house. She could hear the grandfather clock ticking ominously in the hallway, its hourly chimes muffled by the closed door. Save for that, the downpour outside, and her ragged breathing, the house was completely silent. Elizabeth closed her book and gazed around the room. Her eyes fell upon her son, Henry. He was tossing fitfully in his sleep. She got up and quietly approached the side of his bed. How much he looked like his father, William. His black hair and sweet smile. His brown eyes. She brushed some hair away from his closed eyes, but stopped suddenly as she remembered what she had forgotten: she hadn’t locked the back door. She slowly made her way to the door to go downstairs and do so. She didn’t even make it halfway across the room before she froze at the sound of the back door slamming shut downstairs.

Oh dear Whomst'd've. Someone was in the house.

It wasn’t William, she knew better than to hope for that. He had left for sea the morning before. She snuck over to her chair and picked up her book. It was hardcover. She started to sweat as she heard the boards in the stairs creaking as the intruder came up. They began creeping down the hall, and would stop every minute to open a door. Oh, no, oh, no, OH NO. They weren’t even four steps away from the door she was behind.

She watched in horror as the door swung open violently. Standing before her was a tall, purple man, about 6’7. He wore golden, armless armour with an identically coloured helmet. There was also a golden gauntlet covering his left hand. His eyes were small and grey with a cold look in them, and his chin had several vertical crevasses running up it. She recognized him from Sans’ warning.

“Thanos.” she muttered. He cracked his knuckles and began making his way towards her. Henry suddenly leap from bed, cutlass drawn, and went at the Mad Titan.

Back and forth, they did a dance, Henry’s steel sword and Thanos’ golden fist. The clank of metal echoed throughout the room. Elizabeth felt small, as if she couldn’t help her son fight the attacker. She wanted to, but she didn’t know the first thing about hand-to-hand combat. Thanos shoved Henry and sent him crashing into the wall behind him. He once again turned against Elizabeth. As he approached her, she whipped him across the face with her book, making him flinch back in pain. He rubbed his cheek in amazement. “You’re not that bad.” But by the time he has recovered, Henry had gotten himself out of his hole in the wall and took the colossus on once again, though this time with less strength. Thanos had visibly less strength as well, courtesy of the rectangular bruise that had appeared on his cheek.

There was then a crash, and Elizabeth turned to see the window shattered, and Commodore James Norrington swooping in. Had he been hiding in the attic? He drew his sword, which was significantly longer and shinier than Henry’s, and engaged Thanos as well. Immediately after, another figure came in through the door, who Elizabeth recognized as the Mad Hatter. He had blonde curly hair, and a black shirt with black pants and a green vest over the shirt, with an equally green belt and tophat. Most interestingly, he was using his hands, elbows, feet, knees, hat, and face to juggle seven teacups and two teapots, all the while without spilling any of the tea within them.

“TOP O’ THE MORNIN’ T’YA LADDIES! IT’S TIME TO WRECK SOME SHEET!” the Hatter squealed. He karate kicked Thanos, all the while still perfectly juggling his tea set.

Seeing that Thanos was now amply distracted, Norrington backed away and turned to Elizabeth. “Are you okay?” he almost demanded, fear and worry evident in his voice.

“Yes, yes, I’m fine, James.” Elizabeth mumbled coldly. They were supposed to wed many years ago, but when William confessed his feelings for Elizabeth, she called the wedding off.

Norrington grabbed Elizabeth’s hand and pulled it gently. “C’mon-” he was interrupted by Thanos screaming in pain from having his face doused in boiling Earl Grey tea. “Let’s get you out of here.” he continued.

“No. I’m waiting for Henry. He _is_ my son.” Elizabeth said sternly. She turned back to observe the battle, and saw that the Mad Hatter was now on Thanos’ shoulders, pouring more tea onto the top of his bald head as he fought Henry. The Mad Titan was shrugging repeatedly, trying to get the obnoxious man off. Talk about multitasking.

She turned back to Norrington, who was observing the battle as well, and questioned “Why don’t you help?”

“Someone has to take care of the people who aren’t fighting. If something bad happens, I’ll step in.” he explained.

Henry had been weakened enough to have fallen to his knees temporarily. Thanos had gotten the Hatter off of his shoulders, and was now throwing punches at him, which he was dodging with cartwheels as he screeched “YOU SILLY GOOSE!” In between cartwheels, he was delivering more karate kicks to Thanos’ chin, all while still juggling his tea set without spilling any of it.

Then, suddenly, Thanos managed to grab the Hatter by the neck in his gloved hand. Raising him up, he squeezed.

“Ack-! Tea... and biscuits… gah…” His struggling limbs fell limp and lifeless, his tea set crashing to the floor around him.

“Hatter! No!” Norrington shouted, in complete and utter terror. Henry used what energy he had left to stand back up and stab his sword into Thanos’ back. Not even wincing, the Mad Titan pulled the sword right back out of himself and stabbed it through Henry’s stomach. He, too, fell to the floor, dead as can be.

“Henry!” Elizabeth shrieked. She charged at the intruder and began hitting him repeatedly in the back with her book. “You murderer! You murderer! YOU MURDERER!”

Since her book was bouncing off of his armour harmlessly, he took the chance to thwack her against the head with his bare hand, knocking her unconscious.

It was now Norrington’s turn to fight. Sword still drawn, he went at Thanos with everything he had. He dodged a punch and jabbed at Thanos’ chest, his sword clanking against Thanos’ golden armour. This pattern repeated itself multiple times, until finally one of Thanos’ punches connected with Norrington’s stomach, sending him flying and crashing headfirst through the wall, cracking his skull and killing him on impact.

 

\----

 

Elizabeth awoke minutes later to see Thanos standing over the Mad Hatter’s body, his gloved hand outstretched down towards the corpse. He appeared to be whispering something, perhaps a prayer. She groaned in pain due to the aching in her head, causing him to turn around and face her. Oh no.

He didn’t approach, as she thought he would. Instead, he spoke to her. “They died well, I hope you can take some solace in that. Having your life taken in combat, fighting for what you believe in. It’s how I would want to die.”

She was shaking. Partly from fear, partly from rage, partly from pure exhaustion. “You… didn’t… have to kill them.”

He sighed at her words. “Sure I had to. If I had it my way, it wouldn’t be like this. Unfortunately, I’m not getting my way, and you’re not getting yours.” He paused. “I would spare you, really. I would love to. But if I do, you’ll go and report to _her_ , won’t you?”

She nodded feebly. No point in lying.

He nodded back. “My point exactly. So, at least accept my apology. In another time, maybe it wasn’t like this.”

He stretched his gloved hand out to her, and the golden gauntlet began glowing with a green energy it didn’t have before. Shock filled her being as he fired an identically coloured beam at her, hitting her square in the forehead. Bizarrely, it didn’t hurt.

Well, at first, it didn’t. Within a few seconds, she could feel the life draining from her very being.


	2. Discoveries

“uhh… legend27? elizabeth never reported back.”

“...And what of the Hatter?”

“same.”

**_SLAM_ **

TheLegend27 cursed under her breath, her fist still resting on the desk. “Very well, then. We’ll need to send a team in to investigate. I would like for you to do it yourself, but…”

He nodded. “i’ll send a duo in. perhaps assassins.”

“Yes, Assassins would be ideal. We don’t want to draw attention to ourselves. Thanos cannot know we’re this hot on his trail.”

“ok.” He focused his brain, and felt the familiar sensation- or he should say, SANSation, of teleportation. Within a second, he was outside of TheLegend27’s office and out in the main hall, where there was a rather large crowd of assorted people. Very few of them had anything in common, save for two things: they all wanted Thanos defeated, and were willing to help make that happen. The fact that TheLegend27 had rounded up this many supporters was impressive. Then again, a lot of things about TheLegend27 were impressive.

“hey. excuse me. you lot.” He didn’t even have to address them, because their eyes were already fixed onto him. “hi. we’ll need a team assembled to go check on the turner residence. a small one. are there any assassins here?” he caught two perfect candidates out of his peripherals. "you’ll go, altair. shay cormac, you go with him. don’t say you’re not an assassin, because you’re close enough.”

“What happened at the Turner home?” The Courier demanded. She was there as an envoy of the NCR, straight from Nevada.

“gee, i dunno, courier. maybe i’m sending these two competent assassins to find out. now on you go, you two. and good luck.”

He heard Shay mutter “I make my own luck” under his breath as he and Altair went out the Portal Door. The countless eyes in the room were all still staring at him expectantly.

“thelegend27 wants to inform you all on the matter personally. she’s, uh, kinda busy right now, though, so you might have to be a bit patient.”

There were mixed reactions. Some were trusting of TheLegend27’s word, while others still hungered to know more about the matter at hand. Two of the latter were Captains Jack Sparrow and Edward Kenway, who made this known to him by marching up to him. Jack Sparrow wore a white, long-sleeved, airy shirt with puffed sleeves, with a denim vest and a bunch of belts. On his head he had a red bandanna, and his long, brown hair, which had mixed dreadlocks and braids, was unusually ornamented. Plain, brown breeches accompanied his otherwise complex attire. Edward Kenway walked up to him. Sparrow just sort of did a drunken stumble the entire trip. Edward Kenway wore traditional white Assassin garb, with a white hood and robes, though heavily modified with leather padding and metal bracers. His trousers were white, and he had a red sash fastened to his waist with a belt.

“Just wait a bloody second!” Edward Kenway exclaimed. “You’re just going to leave us in the dark, with nothing about what happened to this Elizabeth person?”

“Yeah!” Sparrow agreed. “We deserve to know what happened to Bloody Stupid Will’s wife!”

Sans sighed. “yeah, i guess you do deserve to know. then again, so do we, hence why we’re finding out. now, i’m going to grillby’s.” and with that, he teleported away once again.

\------------

Meanwhile, Shay Cormac and Altair Ibn-La'Ahad were, as they had been ordered to, searching the Turner house. They had come out of the downstairs closet, and were now creeping stealthily around the house.

“I don’t get why TheLegend is so worried about this whole thing.” Shay uttered. “So what if the purple guy with a glove kills the Hatter? He can’t be much of a threat.”

Altair actually stood up straight from his crouching position and turned to face Shay, he was so amazed at what he had just heard. “You mean you don’t know the implications of this!?”

“I make my own implications.”

The Master Assassin rolled his eyes. “Right. Of course you do. But this is more important than your stupid catchphrase, Shay!”

“I make my own catchphra-”

“ _Shut up_.” He hissed the words through gritted teeth. “If Thanos killed the Hatter, it means he has a Power Ranger helmet!”

Shay peeked around the nearby corner, to make sure no one was there. “Power Ranger helmet? I think I remember hearing a legend about Power Rangers. The old protectors of the Multiverse, right?”

Altair, having crouched back down, nodded. “Yes. Each one had whole universes worth of energy. Legend has it that when they died, all their power went into their helmets, making them transcend beyond material. You can no longer hold onto one with your hand.”

“What do you hold them with, then? Your wenis?”

Altair gave him a disgusted look.

“That’s the skin on your elbow.”

“Ah.” The disgust faded. “No. You hold it with your soul.”

Shay snickered. “I don’t think I’ve heard anything more cliché than that all week.”

“It’s true!” Altair whispered as they went around the corner and towards the staircase. “It helps keep their strength in check, make sure no one can ever use more than one at a time, because one soul can only hold onto one helmet.”

Shay stopped dead in his tracks when he heard this. “So, this glove thing… it can…”

“Yes. The Infinity Gauntlet, it’s called. It was made with extremely potent sorcery from across multiple universes, for the purpose of holding onto and using multiple Power Ranger helmets at a time.”

Shay still hadn’t moved. “And… this purple fatso…”

“Found it, somehow. Apparently it was hidden in a temple underneath some place called Strawberry Fields.”

Shay scoffed. “I know that place. I wonder who was in charge of hiding it. They didn’t do a good job.”

“I wonder, too, but that’s the business of TheLegend27 and the Deities. It’s not our place to question it.”

They continued up the flight of stairs, trying to make them creak as little as possible. Altair was succeeding far more than Shay was. As they crept up, a feeling of dread slowly began to wash over them, drenching their very beings and soaking their souls through. This could only mean one thing: someone had been killed using a Power Ranger’s energy.

Oh, no.

Oh NO.

They forfeited all stealth and bolted the rest of the way up the stairs and down the hall, to the one open door. They jumped in, Shay with his pistols drawn, and Altair with his Hidden Blades ejected, to the damaged bedroom with four bodies within it.

Once they were certain no one was going to shoot at them, they lowered their arms almost in unison, and began scanning the area.

“Well, there’s Elizabeth and Henry,” Shay noted. “William’s not going to be happy about this.”

“No, he isn’t. More than you think. Look.” Altair knelt over Elizabeth’s body, looking her over. “No fatal injuries. No fracture, stab wound, or anything else of that nature. This is the work of Power Ranger energy.”

“With all due respect, Altair, I think that’s the least of our concerns. This guy crushed the Hatter’s neck.”

“What?” He turned and, sure enough, saw the crushed neck of the now-lifeless Mad Hatter. Melancholy welled up within him as he gazed upon the corpse. Well, emotions could wait for later. He had work to do. He reached into his belt for a certain orb that he had brought with him to this mission, just in case.

Shay gave him a surprised look as he produced the Apple of Eden. Holding the golden ball, he used its power to search the Hatter’s body.

…

He found nothing.

OH. NO.

“Thanos has the Green helmet. We need to get back.”

\------------

What a mansion! Thanos could use one just like it!

“My Lord, it would be wise to cease your staring. Remember why we are here.” A deathly voice whispered behind him in a permanently eerie tone. He must have heard his impressed whistle.

“Yes, I know, Macabee. Business is business, after all.” The Mad Titan marched up the front steps to the Malfoy Manor, the grey automaton following behind him. He stopped at this thought. A grey automaton, here? Not a good idea.

“You… might want to go do what I wanted you to do earlier. Remember?”

“Understood, my Lord.” The deathly android obediently turned and went back down the steps, on his way to the predetermined destination.

With him out of the picture, Thanos turned back to the large door and knocked, hard. It creaked open slightly, and peering up at him was a small House Elf.

“Wh-what brings stranger here, today?”

Using the Gauntlet, he called forth the Green Power Ranger’s essence from within it, drawing it out and manifesting it into a shape he was sure the elf would be familiar with: a skull, with a snake slithering out of its mouth.

The House Elf nodded understandingly. “Lord Voldemort will be with you in a minute.” He made to close the door, but Thanos used the Power Ranger’s essence once again, this time to hold it open against the creature’s pull.

“I’ll show myself to him, thank you.”

Something more than the elf’s small form began pushing against the Essence. It was the elf’s own magic. “Master Malfoy forbids anyone’s entry without Lord Voldemort’s approval, sir.” His voice was weak, nearly trailing off at numerous points in the sentence. Unlike his voice, however, his will was powerful, holding against the manifestation of the Green Power Ranger’s strength. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough. Thanos manifested more of the Infinity Gauntlet’s energy, concentrating it on the elf’s heart. When he released it, the creature went flying multiple metres, crashing head first into the foyer wall. Pushing any guilt he might have felt aside, he fully opened the door and went in.

After a trek down a few hallways and up a flight of stairs, he walked in on just what he had expected to walk in on: a meeting of Death Eaters, led by the Dark Lord himself. They all turned in surprise at the opening door, and there were a few shocked sounds directed at the purple Titan standing before them.

“Lord Voldemort.” He took a knee, hoping it would vanquish any suspicion of hostility in the bald non-human’s brain. It seemed to work, as the look within his eyes went from a threatened, angry and confused stare to merely a hard gaze.

“Who are you?” he inquired in an aloof voice. Not the voice Thanos was expecting. He had always imagined the Dark Lord to sound like his own servant Thomas.

“I am but a possible ally, and a valuable one, at that.” He dared stand back up to his full height, which was easily taller than anyone else in the room. “Our interests are aligned, if only slightly, and each of us has strengths that the other lacks.”

A much more human-looking man with long blond hair said quietly, “Explain.”

Ah! Just what he had wanted. “Well, ladies and gentlemen, let us first address the elephant in the room: where am I from? You haven’t seen one of my kind before, that much I’m sure of.”

There were some nods and grunts of agreement.

“My origin is irrelevant. That happens to someone when they become capable of travelling between realities.”

A rather big-nosed man with greasy black hair stood up suddenly. “My Lord, I believe we’ve heard quite enough. This psychotic… _freak_ is clearly useless to us.”

“Silence, Severus.” Voldemort almost whispered. “I’m intrigued. Go on.”

He made sure to nod politely in thanks before speaking again. “Allow me to now ask you a question, Lord Voldemort. Have you ever experienced _true_ power?”

There was a confused silence. The Dark Lord slowly nodded.”

“Really?” he asked, in false surprise. Of course a megalomaniac like him would think they were powerful. “Have you ever seen _this_ , then?” He raised his left hand up and balled it into a fist, showing off the Infinity Gauntlet. In particular, he wanted to be sure they saw the rather large gem on its back, now glowing green with the Green helmet’s immense power. He willed it to glow slightly brighter and make a whirring sound as he raised it.

“This… is the Infinity Gauntlet. Six ethereal helmets power it. As of now, I only have one, and already…” he harnessed its power, and reduced the wooden table to sawdust, making many of them stand up in surprise. “I believe you are planning to attack a castle. My power is yours until the castle is yours, provided you will aid me in searching for the remaining five, hidden in the multiverse.”

Severus looked like he was going to protest again, but Voldemort raised a hand to silence him. “This… demonstration has been most persuasive, mister… whoever you are. Let us hope you will live up to your claims. Bellatrix, if you will show our guest to his room, please.”

He grinned. Just as expected, and just as planned. Soon, his goals would be accomplished.


	3. Plans Forming

The Master of Disguise was pacing behind TheLegend27’s desk as the two of them received the report.

“Four confirmed dead, and the Green Power Ranger helmet missing, assumed to be in Thanos’ possession.” Stated Altair.

“Yes, I can confirm this,” came from Severus Snape, who had just entered the room. “Voldemort has been seduced by Thanos’ promises of power. The Death Eaters have officially joined this war.”

“War…” uttered TheLegend27. “No. It’s not a war yet. And let us hope it doesn’t come to that. What is it that they wanted from each other?”

“Voldemort, power. Thanos, strength in numbers. No number of helmets will allow him to be in more than one place, after all.”

Robbie Rotten stopped and turned to face them. “I wouldn’t be so sure. No one has ever successfully obtained the Infinity Gauntlet, let alone obtained a Power Ranger helmet and been able to use it. There’s no guessing what he’ll be capable of when he gains all six.”

“If.” Warned TheLegend27. “ _If_ he gets all six. We still have the upper hand, Robbie. If we play our cards right, he won’t get another one. We know where four are, five including the Green one, and two of them are in our possession. We also have Haytham Kenway, Umbreon, Espeon, and Remus Lupin on an expedition to find the Orange helmet.”

Robbie breathed a little easier, and his racing heart slowed a little. “Thank you for that. This situation has been… stressing me out quite a bit.”

There was a knock on the door. “Enter!” Robbie shouted, earning him an irritated look from TheLegend27. The door opened with a slam, and in entered the superhero Sportacus.

“Ah, Sportaflop. How is Lazy Town?”

“Good, despite few scout-outs from an unknown vessel.” Power Ranger energy radiated off of the blue athlete.

Sans, who had entered the room at some point or another, suddenly pivoted his skull to face Sportacus, his eyes pitch-black. “unknown vessel?”

“Why, yes. It looks quite worn and rugged. I’m honestly surprised it remains afloat.”

Robbie turned to face TheLegend27. “What do you think?”

“We’ll send Jack Sparrow out that way. If it’s the ship I think it is, Lazy Town might be at risk.”

Sportacus spoke up. “Erhm, if I might ask, what ship do you think it is…?”

“The Flying Dutchman, captained by Davy Jones. Our intelligence reports that he’s cohorted with Thanos before.”

“Ah, and this Jack Cardinal knows it by its look?”

“jack sparrow.” Sans spoke. “and, uh, yeah. he’ll be able to tell.”

“We would send William,” informed Robbie, “But he’s out at sea at the moment, to go see Maleficent.”

“Understood.” spoke Sportacus. His previous pep was gone when he went back out the door. TheLegend27 turned back to Shay, Altair, and Snape.

“And as for you three, you are dismis-”

The door crashed open once again, this time to reveal a small, beat-up looking furry creature hurriedly rushing into the office.

“Elmo!?” TheLegend27 stood up. “What are you doing here!? What happened!?”

“i thought you were safe in sesame street.” Sans noted.

“It was attacked!!!” Elmo exclaimed in his high-pitched voice. “Sesame street was attacked by Thanos!!! I just barely made it out!!!”

Robbie stopped pacing again. “And what of…?”

“It’s still with me, thank Whomst’d’ve.” Elmo manifested red energy around himself to prove it. “Cookie Monster made it out, too. He’s in the infirmary.”

“How did Thanos get in? You can’t get to Sesame Street without someone telling you where it is.”

“It… I’m sorry, I ran all the way here.”

“Take your time.” mouthed TheLegend27.

“It was… that bastard Veggie Monster.”

For the second time that day, TheLegend27 slammed her fist on her desk. “I _knew_ it! I knew we shouldn’t have trusted him!”

“legend. calm down.”

She took the skeleton’s advice and took a few deep breaths. That told you she was _really_ mad. “Thank you, Sans. Now, Elmo. Thanos knows you have the helmet. The attack on Sesame Street proves it. Guard your life. Thanos will nearly double in power if you fall at his feet.”

“I know… I know. Is there any room for me to stay here?”

“Yes, for now. I want to keep Power Ranger helmets away from here, lest they draw Thanos’ attention.”

“Very well. Thank you.” Elmo departed.

“Right, then.” TheLegend27 turned back to Shay, Altair and Snape. “You three are dismissed. Snape, return to Voldemort’s service, and keep an eye on Thanos for us. If you must kill any of our own in his name, so be it. Keep your cover. You’re a valuable asset.”

“Very well, then.” The three left. After the door was firmly shut behind them, she addressed her two second-in-commands.

“This is fitting the prophecy perfectly, so far. The Infinity Gauntlet has been obtained, the Deities are refusing us any sort of enlightenment, and there’s already been four of our valuable and brave allies killed. If this goes any further, the Infinity War will really take place.

“Now, as I have said before, if we do things the right way, that won’t happen. How we lead is crucial to deciding this. I want both of you to be trying your absolute best: boosting morale, gathering intel, hell, even going on the frontlines every once in a while. The Infinity War _cannot_ come to pass, or else much, much more blood will be shed. Call a meeting. Everyone needs to know this. I wanted you to be the first.”

  


\------------

  


“...And my reward, Thanos?”

“Hm?”

“I told you Sesame Street’s location. I receive some sort of reward, yes?”

“Ah, yes. A reward.”

A green beam.

“Yow!”

Amazing. He survived it. He came closer to do a better job, and got a piece of broccoli to the face. He shrugged off the pain and delivered a charged punch with the Gauntlet to Veggie Monster’s chest, finishing him off.

“Now, then…” he muttered to himself, scanning the area. He could tell that Elmo had fled already. No matter. He would be able to find him in due time, and the Red Power Ranger helmet would be his.

Until then, he would wait for Macabee’s report.

  


\------------

  


The Scout wandered aimlessly around the room he was guarding, his Scattergun and baseball bat at the ready. He thought about the Pyro coming out as homosexual, whether or not he would ever actually get lucky with a woman, and about the word of mouth around the Interdimensional Corridors.

Particularly that last one, actually. Apparently they were facing a mighty foe. One who, if left unchecked, might even bring about the death of TheLegend27. And that was ridiculous to think of! TheLegend27, the great and powerful anointed bearer of Whomst’d’ve’s will, being _struck down_?

It was impossible. Besides, so long as the Scout was there protecting their base, there wasn’t any danger.

His thoughts also went to this prophecy. Yes, the prophecy of the Infinity War. According to legend, it would be the greatest war in the history of the multiverse, and one of the few wars to take place across its entirety. There was more to it, as well, but he had never bothered to read up on it. Supposedly, though, the odds of the prophecy being fulfilled here and now were incredibly low, so he really shouldn’t be dwelling on such things.

A noise. A noise? A noise! Something was entering the corridor!

It turned the corner and stood light-to-eye with him. It was a creepy thing, it was! Some sort of mechanized automaton, all greens and greys, with an expressionless look and an eerie sheen to it. Its eyes were bright green dots, shimmering faintly in the relative darkness. Its form was specifically molded as if to perfectly replicate the muscles and bones of a human, and it brandished a scythe with a blade whose glow inspired the same dis-ease as its eyes.

And it was looking right at him.

“Well! They didn’t tell me there’d be guests at this gate!”

The machine laughed. Its voice was deep and foreboding. “And I had not been informed that this gate would be guarded.”

He rested his hands on his Scattergun, just in case. “Well, I hate to break it to you, but you aren’t exactly supposed to be here. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

The android took a few slow steps towards him. “I must beg the same of you. I am here on the orders of the New Reaper, the cleanser of the multiverse. I cannot permit a bacterium such as yourself to halt my goals.”

His grip tightened. “Did you just call me a bacterium!?”

The not-alive thing laughed again. “In a metaphorical sense, it is true. After all, the plague of life is the cause of all suffering in existence, and therefore existence will never be beautiful until it has been wiped from it. Mortals like yourself are like individual bacteria in a widespread, near-lethal infection. You alone cause little harm, but for the world to be saved, you must be purged with the rest of your ilk.”

He took a few steps forward himself. He had already had quite enough of this wordy bot’s drabble. “Now, listen here. I don’t get what exactly you’re getting at, but I don’t like it one bit. So if you don’t step away right now, I’m gonna have to give you a clobbering.”

It didn’t obey. “Then prepare to meet the Nightbringer, poor, blind one.”

The thing moved with a sudden burst of speed, swinging with its scythe. He just barely dodged the blow, and blasted the thing straight in the belly with a round from his Scattergun.

He gazed in disbelief at the pitiful dents he had created. The thing stared at them, too, but with the neutral expression it always wore. It looked back up to his face.

“That was pitiful. A shame my Lord was not here to witness it. He might have laughed.”

He slashed again. Pain erupted across the Scout’s chest as he felt something seeping into him. Was the scythe poisoned? Regardless, he fell to the ground with a sudden loss of strength. His breathing was growing heavier, and his vision fading.

He felt the machine walk up next to him. “Lucky creature… you lucky, lucky creature…”


	4. The Battle of Hogwarts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All you Potterheads are gonna hate and love this chapter >:D

Crunch, crunch, crunch.

The Death Eaters had gathered in the Forbidden Forest, on the very grounds of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Among their numbers, standing beside Lord Voldemort, was the Mad Titan Thanos. Clutching his double-bladed sword, he stood as the Dark Lord gave his speech.

“My loyal servants,” he began in that aloof voice that Thanos had to fight not to laugh at. “This is the moment we have all been waiting for. This is our moment of destiny. This is the moment we shall all relish, and remember for every remaining second of our lives.”

Thanos smiled. This would be over and done soon, and they could move onto less trivial matters.

“This is the day we shall begin our preparations to attack Hogwarts at the end of the year.”

Wha…?

“Come summer, our assault shall be tremendously glorious, and shall go down in our history books as-”

“Excuse me, my Lord,” Egad, did Thanos hate calling him that. “but might we attack sooner than that? There are more important matters to attend to, after all.”

There was an eerie silence as the bald, noseless human turned to face him. “What?”

He dared not make eye contact with him. Unless Voldemort felt as though he was in charge, the alliance would soon crumble. “Forgive me for my insolence, Dark Lord, but wouldn’t it be better to attack sooner?”

The Dark Lord laughed. “Ah, you are so naive, my servant. But there are preparations to be done, defenses to be probed, strategies to be formed.

Thanos laughed his own deep laugh, in stark contrast to Voldemort’s light one. “And, might I ask, what preparations need to be made?”

The Dark Lord and all his Death Eaters were silent.

“What preparations need to be made? What strategy needs to be formed? With these numbers, coupled with this,” a glow from the Gauntlet, “we have no need for strategy.”

There was an awkward pause as this dawned on the Dark Lord. “I… do not believe you understand, my servant. We only ever make attempts at Harry’s life at the  _ end _ of the school year. It’s virtually a tradition at this point.”

“Good. They’ll expect it even less. The element of surprise will be on our side even more than it already would have been.” It was tough being smart.

There was silence once again as Voldemort contemplated this. “Very well, then.” He addressed the Death Eaters once again. “We attack in an hour! Form ranks, all! We must kill Harry Potter to ensure victory! And I must be the one to kill him!”

Thanos laughed again to himself as he raised his gloved hand with all the others, giving off a great green light as he did.

  
  


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“Everyone! Today, I’ve gathered you all here to make an announcement. The Infinity War is at risk of starting.” TheLegend27 announced. Everyone was gathered around her, and let out gasps. 

“Now, it doesn’t mean it has started, we still have one more battle until it starts. We don’t need to worry.”

As soon as TheLegend27 finished her sentence, a girl with brown bushy hair came running in. It was the young witch Hermione Granger. Everyone looked at her, surprise on most of their faces. She was gasping for air. Once she had gotten some of her air back, she managed to say

“V-Voldemort… attacking Hogwarts. He’s attacking Hogwarts with his Death Eaters... a-and Thanos.” People were looking at one another, and whispering. TheLegend27 cleared her throat, and then corrected herself.

“Never mind. The Infinity War has officially started. We’ll need certain people to come help us fight in this battle. Any wizards or witches here will be coming with me, followed by a couple Assassins.” She said, while standing up to leave the room. Several wizards and witches roze, which included Sirius Black and Luna Lovegood. They then followed TheLegend27 out of the room. Some Assassins joined them, including Ezio Auditore, Connor Kenway, and the twins Jacob and Evie Frye. They all followed TheLegend27 to a room they normally weren’t allowed into. It had tons of doors, all labeled to different places. TheLegend27 was walking down the hall, and stopped in front of one that had a label above it which read “Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry”. She swung it open and stepped through. All the people followed her, and suddenly they were teleported to Hogwarts. They were coming out of a broom closet on the third floor. TheLegend27 turned to everyone. 

“Sirius Black. I’m sure you know this place like the back of your hand. Where is the quickest way to get to the main floor from here?” She said sternly. 

“Follow me, I know a way.” Sirius said, turning to the left, and lead the battalion to a statue. He pushed a jewel it had on its necklace, and the statue moved out of the way, revealing a staircase. He made his way down it, and it lead them just outside the Great Hall, where it seems most of the battle was taking place. The Order of the Phoenix had already arrived to aid in the defense. With this to boost their morale, they joined the battle.

All except one. “Thanos cannot see me.” TheLegend27 explained. “He doesn’t know who he’s up against. If he does, he’ll step up his game in the likely event that he manages to escape me.”

Sirius nodded and joined the fray.

  
  


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“Daughter.”

Oh, no. He had found them. He had found them! How was he so smart!?

“You have some information that I need, I believe. Won’t you tell your old father something he needs to know?”

No, she wouldn’t. She wouldn’t! She didn’t even have the information! At least, not yet.

“So… you’re putting him above me? How disappointing. I had hoped you wouldn’t make me do this.”

**_VYOOOOOOOOOOM_ **

“Ahhhhhh!”

“Espeon! Espeon, wake up!”

She returned to the world to see the crimson eyes of Umbreon, her beloved. About them was the campsite as she remembered it, but with the fire now started and the sky a far darker shade of blue.

“Are you alright?” the Dark-Type Pokémon fussed. “You were screaming.”

She took some deep breaths to slow her racing heart. “He hasn’t found us, has he?”

The quadruped shook his head. “There’s been no sign of him or any of his allies. Just like the rest of the expedition.”

Her tensed muscles relaxed significantly at this knowledge. It had only been a dream. “What’s our course of action, then?”

Remus Lupin, the unofficial leader of the bunch, answered from his position on the other side of the campfire. “The tracker that the Science Division built was showing spikes from Maleficent’s castle, just as expected.”

“I already knew that, Lupin. I helped design the device, after all. Where are there more readings from?”

The wizard cleared his throat. “Well, there are trace signals coming from the forest a few kilometres north of here, but odds are that it’s just a magical entity of some sort, like a fairy, golem, or werewolf like myself.” He held the device up in confusion. “Why again does it do that?”

“Power Ranger energy is complicated. Its distinct signature is hard to pin down and track, so we need to be a bit more general in our scannings to be able to locate it.” Umbreon explained. “So, yes, there will be some red herrings and wild goose chases. But magical entities are relatively rare, so we can’t fail. We just need to focus on the stronger signals.”

“Sounds good.” Stated the wizard. He laid down and closed his eyes.

“If I may,” began a fourth, more distinguished voice that made Espeon jump. “I would like to volunteer for the first watch duty.”

Espeon turned to gaze behind her to see Haytham Kenway, the classy yet deadly Templar Grand Master, standing in his signature pose: his hands behind his back and a thoughtful and tough-to-read look on his face. If you knew to look for them, you could see the Hidden Blades he had on over his cuffed sleeves, ready to take an unprepared foe by surprise.

“Thanks for volunteering, Haytham. You sure you don’t want me to do it? I’m a Dark-Type, after all. Nighttime is my element.”

The Englishman smiled politely. “That would be something we have in common, then. I’ll be taking the first shift.”

Haytham retreated back to the darkness. He was like his father in a lot of ways. Indeed, his father Edward was a bit of a… how to word it… celebrity, around the Council. He and his buddy Jack Sparrow.

Espeon was nudged by her fellow quadruped in the group. “Shall we retreat somewhere more private?”

  
  


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They were losing the battle, and badly. Sirius Black watched Neville Longbottom fall to the floor at his feet, courtesy of a well-aimed Avada Kedavra. He gazed up at its caster, Bellatrix Lestrange: the most fanatical of all the Death Eaters.

“So, whaddya think of your fat, purple friend?” Sirius barked. “I thought you don’t like Muggle-borns. His parents weren’t magical, and neither is he.”

She laughed her characteristic, maniacal laugh. “If it is Lord Voldemort’s will to have that… thing as an ally, then so be it! His power has assisted us greatly, after all.” She gestured to the Titan in question, who was on the other side of the battlefield stabbing Luna Lovegood straight through her chest. Anger welled up in Sirius.

“He’ll pay, same as you!” He cast a Stupefy at his cousin, which she dodged. Their duel continued, with Sirius being slightly distracted as he watched Thanos kill one person after another. Where was Harry? He needed to get him away from that overgrown eggplant!

Ron Weasley, meanwhile, was fighting alongside his sister. His mind was spinning. Where was Harry? How many Death Eaters did Voldemort have? And how had they broken into the castle so easily?

His last question was answered as he struck down yet another Death Eater, and then turned to see a hulking, purple man with a sword and eerie-looking glove coming at him.

“Bloody hell!” were the last words he uttered as the Titan’s gauntlet glowed, bringing the roof down on Ron and Ginny.

  
  


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The battle had been lost. No point in denying it, or trying to change it. The Great Hall had collapsed, most of the students and staff were dead, and TheLegend27 herself had ordered a full retreat and evacuation of the school. The Frye twins and Sirius Black were distracting the Death Eaters while the rest of them got the remaining students to the Interdimensional Corridors. Thanos was nowhere to be found.

“It was not wise to bring so few warriors,” Connor commented to Ezio as they searched the hallways for students.

“You’re telling me.” he responded. They turned a corner and saw two Death Eaters chasing a student in yellow robes. Connor shot one in the neck with his bow while Ezio dispatched the other with his Hidden Gun.

“Get to the broom closet on the third floor.” Connor commanded. “You will find safety there.” The student nodded meekly and ran off.

“This is the last place we hadn’t swept. We should return before the wizard and the twins are forced to retreat.”

Connor bowed. “Ever wise, Ezio Auditore. Let us make haste.”

And so, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was left to Voldemort and his allies.


	5. The Death of a Potter

Well, now. It seems I’m finally going to be getting some time playing the role of storyteller! Terminal thought he could simply accomplish this task without tending to his other duties, but that caught up to him, and now the other Deities are mad. Oh, I’m so glad I’m only his assistant. Being God of All Knowledge is one of the most strenuous jobs in the multiverse. And I know this firsthand! I once held his position!

But, let’s get on with the story, shall we? So, where Terminal left off, I believe Hogwarts just fell. Oh, how tragic that event was. Predictable, yes, but tragic nonetheless. Afterwards, there was a lot of cleanup to be done on our villains’ part. The castle wasn’t far off from collapse, and Voldemort intended to establish it as his newfound base of operations, so he couldn’t allow it to crumble. Thanos, of course, had no intention of basing himself out of such a place. He already had a far more suitable headquarters.

Voldemort was standing in the Great Hall shouting orders. Although the battle had been won, to Voldemort it had been a complete loss. Harry Potter was nowhere to be seen! As long as the Boy Who Lived continued doing just that, this war wasn’t over in his eyes. What a prick, amirite?

“Bellatrix! Scout the Astronomy tower! He could be hiding there! Malfoy, go to the dungeons! You are familiar with the dungeons like the rest of us, so make it quick! Goy-”

“No need for any of that, m’lord. I’ve got the boy right here.” Ah, the deep, rough voice all of them had come to respect and some of them had come to fear. With the Infinity Gauntlet clutching the Gryffindor-themed collar of a very specific fifteen year-old, Thanos entered the Great Hall.

“Let go of me, you giant grape!” Harry Potter shouted in his well-known British accent.

“Does everyone use that insult? It’s the only one I hear regularly, and it’s getting quite dull.”

The Potter boy glared at Thanos just before he threw him in front of the Dark Lord. “Make this quick, Voldemort. There’s more urgent matters to attend to.”

The bald, noseless fascist gave Thanos a quick reproachful look for calling him by name, before dismissing it and looking down at his nemesis. “Harry Potter. I have awaited this day for far too long!”

Thanos pushed Harry closer. “I said make it quick.” He’s good at intimidation tactics, isn’t he? Retrospectively, that was one of his strongest suits. Persuasion. He had already wasted too much time appeasing Voldy-No-Nose. There were greater powers to be obtained, greater enemies to be defeated, and a greater war to be won. ‘Greater’ is a bit of an understatement if you ask me, but okay.

“My servants! My leadership has brought us to our triumph! Next, we shall target the unsuspecting Ministry of Magic. And after them the world! All who would oppose us shall be crushed under our boots!” Thanos noticed a metallic figure who had just entered the room. “We shall reign supreme! The history books shall know us as heroes! Our valiant acts this day shall be remembered for centuries!” The bald idiot now turned back to the captive in the room. “And as for you, Harry Potter. You shall pay for that day fourteen years ago. That memory, that one haunting incident, is the only thing that has at all hindered our progress! With you gone, the last obstacle shall be cleared from our path, and we shall-”

“Enough of this.” Couldn’t agree more there, Thanos. The Mad Titan held the clenched Infinity Gauntlet up to the Potter boy’s temple, and with a green burst of power, his decapitated corpse fell to the Great Hall’s stone floor, sparking gasps from all across the hall.

Voldemort wiped something pink and wet from his cheek as he gazed at Thanos in shock. “What did you just _do,_ Thanos!? Did I not _specifically_ say that Harry Potter was to be my kill and my kill alone!?”

Thanos gazed right back at him, but with indifference. “Time is of the essence, my lord.” A wicked grin appeared on his face. “And your orders aren’t necessarily what goes anymore. Now, if you will excuse me, I have matters to see to. I would like a small team of your Death Eaters, and nothing else.” He turned away from him to someone he had a much less strained relationship with: Doctor Thomas Macabee, the deathly robotic warrior that pursued the same goal as him, though for different reasons. For your own information, since I’m sure Terminal neglected to tell you this, Dr. Macabee originates from the planet Kronus, which was under the rule of the Tau Empire when he had lived there. I would tell more, but quite frankly I hate the guy, and I’d rather get on with the story. You can do the research yourself.

“My lord.” Macabee started. “You will be pleased to learn that your hypothesis was correct. The door led to the fabled Interdimensional Corridors, and they looked just like you had prophesied.”

This did put a smile on his face. “Then I shall make my way there. The Corridors will be much more practical as a method of travel than the Wood Between the Worlds.”

Macabee put a cold, metal hand on his purple arm. “Exercise caution. There was a guard posted there when I arrived. A faction may already occupy it.”

He frowned. Already occupied it…? That could only mean… interesting. “I’ll be careful, Macabee. Tell the bald, noseless man over there that you’re with me, and ask him how you can help. Much as I hate the wizard, we can’t have his Death Eaters falling.”

The robot nodded and went past him to Voldemort. He closed his eyes a moment. Did he feel… fear? Perhaps. He was still the one at a disadvantage in this war, after all. Putting the fear aside, and wondering what he was about to face, he stepped out into the open air.

  


\------------

  


Susie spun her scythe-axe in her hand as she and Sans waited on… something. She knew what, but she’d rather not admit it to herself. Helps stem the fear. The Scout’s death had, after all, shaken the Council quite a bit. So, here they were, seeing what threat awaited. For your information, they were waiting on Thanos. Notice how they know what they’re facing and actively don’t think about it, while Thanos, at that exact moment, was actively pondering what he would be facing. There’s a bit of a difference, huh?

“i don’t know if this guy thinks we’re doctors something, but if he does, he’s wrong.”

Oh, boy. Here he went again. “Why?”

“we have no patients at all.”

“Sans, I swear to god, one more of those, and-”

“Am I interrupting something?” Heh. One of my top ten favourite villain entrances. And that’s saying something coming from me, given all I’ve seen during my life so far. My own input aside, the two residents of Hometown turned (one in alarm, the other in seeming boredom) to the source of the deep, gruff voice, who was just now stepping out of the shadows.

He was a lot like Susie had imagined. The double-bladed sword in his right hand she had never heard of, but everything else she had expected. His golden armour covering everywhere save for his head and arms, and his left hand bearing the Infinity Gauntlet, which glowed with the ominous power of the Green Power Ranger. She raised her weapon.

“So, then.” The Mad Titan began. “How many of you are there? A hundred? Two hundred? A thousand? You know my allies’ numbers, so it would only be fair if I knew yours.

Susie was in her battle stance. Supposedly Sans had a plan. What, she didn’t know. Apparently that was ‘part of it’.

“well, as much as this will disappoint you, as leader of this organization, i can’t disclose that information. i probably shouldn’t have even disclosed the information i just did. silly me.”

Anyone could figure a plan made by or for Sans would involve this strength of his. His ability to make it completely indecipherable whether he was being sarcastic or not. Even Thanos himself, with all his intellect and awareness, couldn’t decode Sans when he pulled this, and it came to be a pet peeve of his throughout the Infinity War. Even I struggle with it sometimes!

Thanos sighed. “There’s no other words to exchange, then. Let’s see what you’re made of.”

“oh, no, not me. i’m letting her do all the work.” The skeleton pointed lazily at the purple lizard monster in the room, much to her surprise.

“You WHAT!?” She exclaimed. Oh, Susie’s great when she’s mad.

Sans shrugged. “‘fraid so.”

Thanos, nodding in understanding, turned to face Susie with his sword. He swung at her, and she parried with some difficulty. When he came for another attack, she jumped away from the blow before striking at his chest with her scythe, not drawing blood thanks to his armour, but stunning him enough that she had an opening to swing at his right bicep. She cut rather deep, making the Mad Titan cry out in pain and take a knee, and drawing a sizeable volume of blood. As her scythe finished its swinging arc and returned to her, she broke her battle stance. Thanos was crippled. The Titan was defeated. That had been easy.

He had dropped his sword, and was clutching his wound with his Gauntlet-covered left hand, his eyes shut and his teeth bared. No light came from the Gauntlet, green or otherwise.

Now certain the Titan was down, Susie slowly approached him. “Nice sword. You won’t be needing it any more, will you?” She got down and picked the heavy weapon up. The fact that Thanos had wielded the thing like a smallsword shows how strong he really was.

Thanos began speaking. “You….”

“pardon?” Came from Sans. Oh, he must be loving this. Knowing that even if Thanos _were_ to get back up, he would have to deal with him. Though, then again, Thanos _did_ have a Power Ranger helmet…

Thanos looked up suddenly, his violet eyes piercing through Susie’s hope-powered SOUL. “You should have gone for the head.” With a sudden lightning-fast motion, he punched her straight in the gut with a suddenly brightly glowing and loudly whirring Infinity Gauntlet.

She flew backwards into the wall near the door to the Corridors, the wind knocked out of her. Wow, was that guy a good actor. What _wasn’t_ he good at?

She was about to learn.

Thanos now faced Sans. “Is she one of your best? Because she wasn’t much.” Ouch. She would prove him wrong one day.

“not really, no.” Gee, this battle wasn’t doing much for Susie’s self-esteem, was it? “but i am. and someone else in this room is, too.”

 _Someone el- ahhh._ It had all clicked in Susie’s head, although I had figured it out a few days before this happened, and Terminal _way_ before that. There weren’t two guards at this entrance, there were three. And Susie had been using one of them the whole time.

As if on cue, the Devilsknife near Susie’s limp right hand shot up into the air and began spinning violently. By the time it had stopped, it was no longer a scythe. It was Jevil, the hyperactive chaos-loving jester of doom (I made that last part up myself).

“UEE-HEE-HEE-HEE! THE SKELETON SPEAKS, AND THE JEVIL OBEYS! HE HAS BEEN UNLEASHED, AND HE HUNTS DOWN HIS PREY!” He was doing cartwheels in the air as he said this, laughing and smelling faintly of apple juice.

Thanos was staring at the spectacle before him with only an apprehensive hint of a smile remaining. “I had wondered if you had something like this up your sleeve.” He brandished the Infinity Gauntlet as it glowed and made its signature noise. “Let’s see what you’re made of, joker.”

“NYAH-HAH! I ACCEPT!” Without time for another thought on anyone’s behalf, bombs suddenly materialized in all directions around Thanos, exploding and pelting him with weaponized clubs, hearts, diamonds and spades. Sans took this as his opportunity to add to the fray with some of his own weapons; in particular, some Gaster Blasters. Thanos appreciated them about as much as he had Jevil’s own weapons.

Jevil had now switched to vomiting up spades that went flying at the Mad Titan, who wasn’t exactly a small target. Magical bones rose up from beneath Thanos’ feet at the same time, hurting him rapidly. Jevil then suddenly turned back into the Devilsknife and slashed across Thanos’ chest repeatedly in a boomerang pattern, moving away whenever Sans was about to fire a Gaster Blaster.

Thanos suddenly lurched forward and slammed down with a fist on top of Sans’ skull, identifying him as the most dangerous of the group. He hit only the floor, and saw the short skeleton mere inches left of the impact, much to his amazement. Magical bones immediately shot up from where his fist had hit and stabbed through the Infinity Gauntlet, making him flinch away. Multiple clubs hit him from behind, one of them thwacking his skull.

Susie had moved her injured self to a proper sitting position so that she could better see the spectacle before her. In her position, I would have done the same, really. Only, I would have just floated, or temporarily phased out of reality so that no one would notice me. Deities weren’t supposed to interfere with the Infinity War, after all.

Having finally had enough, the injured Thanos made a bolt for the gate he had entered through that led back to the Wizarding World. Sans attempted to stop his escape by putting up a wall of bones, but with a blast from the Infinity Gauntlet they were no more. After Thanos had fled into the night air, Jevil shot out of the gate in hot pursuit.

“heh. looks like thanos is going to be having a little problem for the next half hour.” Susie couldn’t help but laugh with him. So the Mad Titan wasn’t invincible. He was close, but not quite there. It was as everyone kept saying: they still had the upper hand in this war.

  


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“Oi! Ash!” Sirius Black called. He hated this kid, and wouldn’t talk to him otherwise, but it was a special favour for Elmo.

“OH YEAH ‘SUP DOG WIZARD YA GOT ANY POKÉMON FOR ME OH YEAH GOTTA CATCH ‘EM ALL” Ash screeched in his cringey voice that always made Sirius facepalm in reaction.

“Hey. So Elmo told me to get you ‘cause he wanted to talk to you. Why? I don’t know. He must be insane.” He mumbled the last sentence quietly enough that no one could hear. A wise decision.

“OKAY WOW I HOPE HE GIVES ME A POKÉMON OH YEAH GOTTA CATCH ‘EM ALL” Sirius led Ash down the hall, trying to avoid conversation as much as possible. Unfortunately, ‘as much as possible’ isn’t very much when with Ash Ketchum.

“I HOPE HE SHOWS ME WHERE MEWTWO IS I’VE BEEN SEARCHING FOR HIM FOR MONTHS OH YEAH GOTTA CATCH ‘EM ALL” 

“Could you think about something other than Pokémon for once? Like, I dunno, boys? You know, something I can talk about.”

Sirius swore Ash was twitching a little. “NO BOYS ARE DUMB I NEED TO CATCH MEWTWO TO BECOME A POKÉMON MASTER AND CATCH ‘EM ALL OH YEAH GOTTA CATCH ‘EM ALL” 

“Boys are NOT dumb! And you ARE one!” Sirius huffed as he turned and stamped his foot. Wow. I forgot about this part. My gay meter has reached 100%.

“NO I’M A POKÉMON TRAINER WHO HAS A DREAM TO BECOME A POKÉMON MASTER AND CATCH ‘EM ALL BOYS ARE STUPID AND DO NOTHING BUT LOOK AT GIRLS LIKE BROCK AND BROCK IS STUPID OH YEAH GOTTA CATCH ‘EM ALL”

Sirius flinched away from Ash a little. “Ew, Brock looks at girls? Yeah, he _is_ dumb.” I mean, not gonna lie, Ash is in the right here. Both boys and girls are gross and ugly and stupid. Me, I’m made of metal!

“GIRLS ARE EVEN WORSE BECAUSE THEY DO NOTHING BUT HAVE SLEEPOVERS AND PAINT EACH OTHER’S NAILS AND ONLY CATCH CUTE POKÉMON BUT CUTE POKÉMON ARE WEAK AND STUPID STINKY JUST LIKE GIRLS AND STRONG POKÉMON ARE BETTER OH YEAH GOTTA CATCH ‘EM ALL”

“Sleepovers are NOT STUPID!” Sirius exclaimed, on the verge of tears. “They’re great because they’re where you get to talk about bo- fet- erm, nothing you’d be interested in!” Good save, Sirius. Good save. If anyone who didn’t know him had to guess what he was about to say, they probably would have said Boba Fet.

“BOBA FET EW BOBA FET IS FROM STAR WARS AND STAR WARS IS STUPID AND DUMB AND SMELLY BECAUSE THERE’S NO POKÉMON IN IT OH YEAH GOTTA CATCH ‘EM ALL”

“Pika!” added Pikachu. He had wanted to remain silent for this conversation, but now he had to step in to defend his favourite franchise. Pshh. Star Wars fans, amirite? Star Trek ftw!

Sirius was about to protest (since he shared Pikachu’s opinion of Star Wars), but fortunately he wouldn’t have to, because they had just reached the room Elmo was staying in for the time being. He approached it and knocked hard.

“Come in.” Came a high-pitched, yet somber voice. Sirius pushed the door open and moved aside for Ash to go through (why did he have to Naruto run?).

Sirius made to leave, but Elmo put up a red, furry hand. “Stick around, Sirius. I want to speak to you afterwards.”

“Alright.” He came in and leaned against a wall. Elmo closed the door, sat down, and cleared his throat. Ash, for once, was quiet.

“Now, I’m sure you’re both aware that Thanos is hunting me down right at this moment. In fact, Sans, Susie, and Jevil are guarding the entrance to the Corridors through the Wizarding World.” he shuddered at the statement. “However, TheLegend27 doesn’t want to inadvertently lure Thanos into the Interdimensional Corridors and let him completely smash our forces. To summarize, she wants me out of the Corridors as soon as possible. But I refuse to leave these walls and enter right into Thanos’ sights with this helmet.” He made his fur flash bright red to remind the two humans in the room that he still had it. “Therefore… I intend to give it to you, Ash Ketchum.”

Ash’s eyes widened to the approximate diameter of saucers, which is usually around 13.335 centimetres. “WOW ELMO SIR YOU’RE GIVING ME A POWER RANGER HELMET DON’T WORRY I’LL BE SUPER DUPER SNEAKY AND NOT TELL ANYONE I HAVE IT AND ONLY USE IT TO CATCH POKÉMON OH YEAH GOTTA CATCH ‘EM ALL”

Elmo laughed nervously. “Okay… just make sure you don’t let _anyone_ know until we’ve confirmed Thanos dead, alright?”

Sirius was enraged. “N-no! Not him, Elmo! Anyone but him! Please!”

Elmo looked to him with sad, tired eyes. “I’ve made my decision, Sirius.” Looking back at Ash, he closed his eyes, and out of his chest emerged the translucent, slightly luminous Red Power Ranger helmet, seething with raw energy. With a gentle push from Elmo, it floated to Ash and entered his chest, much like a Spirit Orb.

“OH YEAH NOW I CAN CATCH MEWTWO THANKS ELMO OH YEAH GOTTA CATCH ‘EM ALL” He immediately ran out of the room, his Pikachu in hot pursuit.

Sirius immediately turned on Elmo. “What the HELL what that for!? You’ve effectively doomed the helmet!”

Elmo put up a finger to silence him. “The kid can keep a secret. And do you really think Thanos would expect me to give something so important to the likes of him? He’ll never guess that it’s Ash.”

Sirius opened his mouth to rebuke the argument, then closed it because he couldn’t, then opened it again because he should always finish what he starts, then closed it again because he still couldn’t rebuke the argument. “...That’s actually pretty good logic, I’ll give it to ya. Let’s just hope Thanos doesn’t outsmart you.”

Elmo smiled. “Who would think that a kid as stupid as him has the helmet of a Power Ranger? Don’t sweat it, Sirius. Ash is safe.”

They both heard clanking boots running down the hall. They both winced as the fish person known as Undyne came into the room, gasping for breath. “Thought you should know… the Infinity War… really _has_ begun. The dimensions are collapsing on one another.”


End file.
